Why I Believe

I've been thinking a lot about religion lately, specifically why I believe what I do and how my Mormon beliefs are reconciled with, and actually encompass, my other beliefs about society and the world. What has sparked all this is, mainly, reading online comments and forums responding to 1) Mitt Romney, and 2) Josh Weed's "Club Unicorn" post (found here.) Anti-Mormon responses to Mitt Romney are largely about problems people have with LDS doctrine. Responses attacking Josh Weed often make comments about how sad it is that a gay man is not able to be true to himself because of some whacky religion.

I have had problems or questions with a number of things about the Mormon church. I've been exposed to A LOT of anti-Mormon sentiments and I know all the arguments against the Church. Some I was able to dismiss immediately because they were totally unfounded and ridiculous; some I've had to reconcile through a process of research, internal debate and prayer. There is not a single anti-Mormon statement that I haven't been able to reconcile with what I know. Most recently, I had a lot of questions about gay marriage and why the Church went to such lengths to pass Prop. 8 in California. But these questions don't weaken my faith (more on that in a later post!) Instead, I've found it's a process of catching my mind up with where God is.

A lot of people seem to think that faith is the weakest part of a person. But I believe my faith is the most advanced aspect of my being. I believe in the eternity of spirits, which means that my spirit recognizes eternal truth and I'd be silly not to respect and act on the deepest convictions of my soul just because I have questions. It's ignorant to claim that someone is deluded or not being true to himself because he chooses to sacrifice for his beliefs. Clearly, Josh Weed is being true to himself, since he feels his religion is the most important part of himself. I feel the same way and I am working on sacrificing whatever I need to in order to be the kind of person God wants me to be. I feel stronger about that than I do about anything else.

The statements I've had the biggest problem with are ones that stress how religious people have been falsely indoctrinated, misled and brainwashed into believing as they do. I'm sure that's the case with some people. And I can see an ex-Mormon feeling that way if they had little interest in building up their own beliefs and were forced into religious observance by strict or zealous parents. But that's not the case for most and it's certainly not the case for myself.

While I grew up in a Mormon household and was taught Mormon doctrine from a young age, I never felt like I was being pressured into adopting certain beliefs or practices. Actually, I was a rebellious child and didn't like the idea of doing anything my parents wanted me to do. Because of that, I decided at age six to figure out for myself if I wanted to "keep" the religion my parents practiced. I wanted to decide for myself what I believed before I reached the age where I could be baptized into the Mormon church: eight years old.

So I started to study. I read the Bible from cover to cover, and then read the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price (all books of LDS scripture). I prayed a great deal to understand what God thought about what I was learning in the scriptures and what I was being taught in church meetings. I talked to people about my questions, sometimes finding satisfactory answers and sometimes adding the question to a little store of "unknowns" that I kept in mind. I hadn't completed this process by the time I reached baptism age, but I felt strongly that I should be baptized and so I was. The first time I remember receiving a spiritual witness that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was the true church on the earth today (meaning, among other things, that it holds the priesthood authority of God, is a living church that receives revelation and has an open canon of scripture, and that it is the same church Christ set up when he was on the earth, having been restored to its fullness of truth by the Prophet Joseph Smith) was when I was nine years old. I knew it and I couldn't deny it, so I decided from that day forward to let that knowledge govern my other thoughts, and not the other way around.

It seems impossible to understand religion if it isn't approached with a faith-based mindset. People who base their understanding of religion on historic or scientific evidence may end up with some interesting insights, but they will never come to a knowledge of the truth based on those things only. Science is constantly changing. That doesn't mean I hate science or don't trust it. It just means I'm not willing to throw out my faith-based convictions because of it or anything else. That said, one of my favorite things about my religion is that it makes so much sense from an intellectual perspective. Maybe I'll write more about that some other time, but just know that the more I learn about everything from philosophy to psychology to history to physics to literature to everything, the more my mind is illuminated on matters of the spirit and my religion. When I read good books or have good discussions or watch good movies or sit in a good class or listen to a good Ted talk or see good art or listen to good music, I end up feeling like I want to give the world a high-five, and my husband hears me exclaiming over and over with love and conviction and amazement, It's really true, isn't it?

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, since this blog has maybe three readers, all Mormon. But I still felt like I needed to write all this, because it is at the core of everything I know and who I am and it's incredibly important to me to express it. If, by chance, you have no idea what I'm talking about, go to www.mormon.org to find out more about my Church.